(above pic says: Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness)
i believe Faith is misunderstood by many
Having Faith, in Christ, regardless of circumstances, is a gift.
Do you want it?
i never thought my faith would ever shake
it was a scary time for me.
i began to ask Elohim why!
i would say, in my heart,” Lord, You know what is going on, i do not. I do not understand it at all. This is why i need You.”
This is why i pray for these days.
i pray for others, in crisis and i know them not!
i pray to not fall in the same trap.
For i have already witnessed other weaknesses in self, unforseen, the depths of it.
My Faith having earthquakes was in a weird way, welcomed…for i never understood others lack of Faith.
Yet here i was, questioning mine.
From past experiences, in other areas of weakness, i withdrew…as in i lightened my load.
I re-exaimined what Faith meant to me, what Christ meant to me.
Why am i under spiritual attack in this area?
Why am i experiencing negative thoughts/feelings just thinking about reading the Bible?
i never had this problem before, why now?
It came to me that i was out of my mind.
Instead of doubting my Faith, i doubled down on the Bible.
i was saying to myself, ” You got problems reading the Bible? Just thinking about it?
Okay then, take this (verse), take that (verse) and that!…”
i began listening to the Bible more than once a day!
imaging the whole time, the demonic spirit thrashing around in death throws, screaming, instead of focusing on my (?) feelings, of the moment.
i drowned it, sufocated it, in my minds eye, remembering, saying, “Faith is not a feeling.” while listening, drawing, (the Bible) talking to Elohim, to Yeshua, to the Holy Spirit!
i became inventive in ways to incorporate the Bible into myself, besides reading it.
i did it regardless of how painful it was.
Hallelujah it wasn’t for long.
i became very angry that the devoid even tried!
to attack me here! at one of my pillars of Faith!
it was WWF in here ya’ll! 😀
i took the Word in, imaging a huge score on the enemy, with every verse!
i recorded my Favorite parts, Psalms (my faves are the ones that drew me), in my own voice.
Wrote them down and took them with me, whenever i left the house.
Reading them instead of talking to anyone.
i whispered/murmured them, while i read.
Not caring if i seemed crazier than usual, i am fighting for my life here!
The discomfort died quickly, not fast enough for me.
i remembered to not believe these ‘weird’ feelings were mine.
i fought them like the foreign entity they are.
Many make the mistake of believing everything we ‘feel’ is from ourselves, that it is you, who is feeling it.
Like feelings are reality.
Feelings may come and go.
it is up to us which ‘feelings’ we choose to act on!
i remembered, “Faith is unseen. Faith is things ‘hoped for’!”
and i remembered it is a verse in the Bible, while i said it!
Another death toll to the enemy.
Thanking the Holy Spirit, even now.
Knowing He was answering my prayers.
Knowing He is with me the entire time.
Knowing it is Him, who was strangling, drowning, attacking, angry that ‘they’ even dared to cross my threshold!
My Daughter’s threshold.
The Angel’s of the Lord were fighting for me , through me!
as i read the same verses over and over.
Desperate i was.
Those Psalms are even more precious now.
i remembered why David was so tortured in these Psalms.
i saw myself the same way.
feeling shame that i didn’t do this earlier.
didn’t fight earlier
for even believing once that, that derision, was mine.
i apologized to the Holy Spirit
recognizing even as i write this,
accepting my part in this
(i cry for you all…if you feel it too -Lecrae Cry For You )
i am human too.
that i need You more than ever.
for taking down my superhero image
for draping me, covering me, with Your Eagles wings.
For being with me as i lost my mind.
Keeping me strong.
For not alowing it to go unpunished for trespassing.
(told you, You Are Mine)
For even daring to come between us.
i pray(ed) that i keep You, beyond my last breath, no matter what happens, incoherently You.
if any part of my body functions, no matter how dysfunctional it may be, let every bit of it, be You.
Like Elijah’s bones.
May Thou be with me even then.
You are My Sanity, My Life.
i am brain dead without Thee.
Allow my body, absent of my mind, to only be used for You, oh Lord.
May ‘they’ never seperate us, even if i loose my mind, every last vestiage of humanity….
i cannot lose, will not lose, as long as i have You.
For You are my humanity.
(and yes, the Chicago Mass Choir song came to mind!)
all of this, reminders from the Holy Spirit.
My Faith, You are.
A simultaneous ty and wow! 😀
Hallelujah ! 😀
i have acquired an Atheist follower.
Sampling a few of that person’s recent blogs, i ask myself, “Will this person use my articles as fodder?”
“Maybe i should follow them too!”
Naw, very bad idea.
Why? Because then i would be responding or assuming, much.
i do not desire to define or spread my faith through dissertation of someone else’s opinion.
i shake my head reading some of it, thinking, ‘i do not want to define my beliefs by attacking someone elses.’
Thinking, ‘Science is full of theories, that have become ‘facts’.
Science ignores the vast majority of things it finds, that lean toward proving Elohim’s existence.
Whenever science popularizes anything that those who believe in Elohim use, then this ‘discovered’ thing gets vilified and/or goes back into obscurity.
I find it interesting that many Atheists are legalists, grammatical ones too.
I joined a site, that spoke of discussion on many topics.
I joined with a measure of excitement, until i realized, very quickly the Atheistic leanings of the site.
(Hmmm, i wonder what Liberal Atheists & Conservative Atheist conversations are like? (for i run across more conservative ones)
i removed the app to the site, long time later i unsubscribed my emails from it, making sure i deleted my account.
i may have attracted attention from that quarter.
i personally was looking forward to the debate.
i remember posting on the site, that my belief, “Is not logical. It is something that cannot be debated. Something a logical mind cannot comprehend.”
A ‘proof’ not sustainable with logic. 🙂
How can one disrespect a person’s belief, yet respect the person?
Beliefs are an integral part of humanity.
i believe it is impossible to disrespect a person’s beliefs and respect the person.
(So then, are we disrespecting ourselves when we knowingly disrespect anything about another?)
Question is: Who & what deems disrespect?
Is like asking what is proof?
What is beauty?
The eye of the beholder.
My eye beholds beauty. 😀
The Holy Spirit teaches respect.
i am learning to trust what He says.
i am learning to believe what He says.
i am learning what Love is. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
What’s Love got to do with it? (Tina Turner?)
That song speaks of human love, not 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
We argue, we debate, uneccessarily.
That is unhealthy.
Assumptions and confrontational positions. Unhealthy.
i do not desire to live, think, breathe, talk that way, anymore.
The Lord, the Holy Spirit is removing the desire to think evil, by assuming, reacting to assumptions.
The Holy Spirit shows me other ways, insights, mercy & grace, beyond my understanding.
Seen as patience, as peace.
i watch the litigation, the speech & see the spirit behind it.
The purpose, how it could have came to be, how Elohim see’s it.
(i see the agitation, unpeace)
i remember me, B.C.
How at 6, is different than 3.
How irrelevant, rather the desire to debate, is leaving me.
Better understanding of The Louder Voices.
A matter of perception.
Only the Holy Spirit can change that.
i am learning to lean on that.
For i ask for help with my unbelief.
Raised in falsity.
False Beliefs, hypocrisy.
Learning to be more true.
To ‘not sweat’ what other’s see.
(Helps with fawners too!) 😀
How can one not be deceptive, always doing what others do?
Saying what others say?
These things called societal/cultural laws.
Based on hypocrisy in & of itself?
Busy accusing, reacting to accusations, as if they are true.
Just because the accuser has many voices, causing a roar.
One voice, ends all that.
My job is to praise You, through the good & the bad.
While being accused?
Because praise is what i do.
Try it! 😀
Who would think such a simple thing, would be so huge?
What do you do for a living?
You don’t do anything!
Yes i do.
Lots of it.
My favorite thing to do! 😀
Praising You! 😀
i see You smiling down on me, whenever i remember my purpose is, to praise & thank You. 😀
He becomes the Loudest Voice.
This is not a debatable thing.
No desire to partipate in such, when i see You smiling at me! 😀
Love You Holy Spirit! TY! 😀
(i feel sorry for those who cannot do this.
Focusing on Christ, like this! 😀
Opposition melts away, internally (eternally).
Something i have always done, now magnified!
May i spread my hands wider as time goes on!
In spirit & in truth.
Something not seen much, via words, Atheists.
The Holy Spirit is felt, beyond words.
Anything i could ever say is insufficient.
My spirit, my heart says more than my brain ever could.
Illogical things. 😀
Praise is what i do! 😀
May you experience the Joy of the Lord, in Yeshua’s holy name, amen!)
Thomas 14, Yeshua Fire
Our lives! is the matrix, this construct (our bodies, what we see, material things), is just that, a construct.
Reality is unseen (in the eye of the beholder).
People believe when they ‘die’, leave this Earth, that, that is when they will be questioned/judged by Elohim…
You are being judged by Elohim now!
This review of our lives, when we leave Earth, to decide where we go? (heaven or hell) is happening now, today, everyday, every second of our days & nights!
The decision of heaven or hell is being decided/changed until we ‘die’, are physically dead.
So we always have an opportunity to repent, until we are physically dead and stay that way.
It is the one thing that surprised me.
That anyone believes otherwise!
That being judged after we are physically dead, thing?
A paganistic viewpoint, a paganistic dream.
For the bible, over and over again, tells us how sin is death!
How we are judged, by Elohim, while we are alive!
Sentencing comes while we are alive!
Hardheartedness is a sentence! A curse!
We have the option to remove curses, to remove negative judgements, spirits.
To break out of chains!
Where does one recieve chains?
THINK ABOUT IT!
When we are ‘arrested’.
When we are in jail! Imprisoned! Sentenced!
Until we are out of slavery!
Yeshua frees us from our sentences.
Sure, a policeman (rebuking in love), can ‘save’ you.
We act, walk, talk, like we can never be in ‘danger’ again!
Never need saving again?
i want to be saved over and over again!
Put that *hit on repeat!
Maybe their ‘saving’ wasn’t dramatic enough Lord! 🙂
Maybe we are not truly grateful for our saving?
See, i prefer to believe that i need to be saved over and over again!
i think it’s very romantic. 😀
Saving is a spiritual thing, unseen, acquired through faith.
i believe, i expect, my Father, My Husband, My Lover, Elohim, Yeshua the Christ, the Holy Spirit rescuing me every second of my days & nights!
i want it! i crave it! i need it! 😀 ( i need You Lord!) 😀
And guess what?
Elohim enjoys it! Yeshua is absolutely delighted to be wanted, just, like, that!
i want to be wanted every single day!
Loving me, like 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, every second! 😀 (great rap song there! Loving me like 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 everday! ooo!) 😀
His love is deep! His Love is strong!
and i desperately need His love everyday! i desperately need to feel it everday.
and we do, when we give up what we want, what we think & follow the good things, He places in our hearts!
He gave me the gift of Faith, i become more & more grateful for this, the more i get to experience others who don’t!
it is ironically, lol, how many atheist point out how everyone believes their religion makes them happy, how one can find someone in any religion like that.
i’ve never witnessed a happy atheist! Not like those who aren’t atheists.
And my question has always been, “Who cares?”
“What is wrong with being happy?”
for a satinist to be happy? i do not agree with it, and i do not believe a satanist will ‘leave me alone ‘ either!
We attack spiritually! Non-carnally.
Prayer, for it to work, (better as well) requires earnest desire to give up control and let the Holy Spirit direct you in everything.
For someone who is losing faith, who is stumbling in their faith, who thinks they believe, who doesn’t believe at all…
Prayer malfunctions! Doesn’t work, the way it can & does! 🙂
Those who do not believe? Nothing anyone says can change that!
i learned! and hopefully you will too!
Never stopped beliving in the God of Abraham, Ishmael & Isaac! Hallelujah! 😀
How i believe, has changed much though!
i sought peace, true happiness.
i risked everything, literally turned my life upside down, in pursuit of happiness.
For what truly made me happy?
Others may be happy on the surface, putting on a face.
i never could, for long and i thank Elohim for that.
Faith cannot be taught. Faith is experienced.
Pursue whatever you truly, deeply, believe!
Be 100! 🙂 Be real, if you are faking in any way…
if you haven’t even thought about it, considered it…
i re-evaluate a lot!
the Holy Spirit can and does show me, myself, in ways i couldn’t see!
My Lord is not a farey-tail. 😀
He is my reality! 😀
Everyone else can continue believing in the nightmare!
i choose to dream of heaven!
Satanists hide. Shadow, try to control others.
We do not try to control others. Make others believe as we do,
Only the hardhearted strive to control others.
i once was one of those people. 🙂
it is too easy, to attempt to control another, for me, even now.
This is why we say, “Those who can hear, hear. Those who can see, see.”
Deaf, blind, hardhearted in some way?
For i was, i am, i imagine.
That is what i need Yeshua for!
The things i cannot see, He has earned my trust.
i had to be willing to give it, though.
Faith is trust! 🙂
Believing when there is no ‘logical’ reason to!
i had to!
Believe in yourself, believe in yourself?
i never did get that right, very often, as consistently as needed.
Now i know why!
For i put my trust in Elohim and He tells me, reasures me of who i am.
i’m learning to trust and believe the unbelievable things the Holy Spirit tells me about myself.
Be willing to ‘hear’ these things.
Be willing to ‘see’ them.
Is giving up control.
It is taking time for me to take the next step, which is believing what the Holy Spirit tells me. (always a work in progress love) 🙂
i have nothing when i don’t.
Nothingness, emptiness or pain, anger, frustration, confusion.
Those are great indicators i’m off The Path, that i’m not walking in the Holy Spirit. Not walking with Him.
i’m learning how i leave Him!
For He never leaves us. He is with those who do not believe/trust Him (trust comes in layers love).
i’m learning how i ‘block‘ Yeshua! 😀
i am trusting the Holy Spirit to ‘show’ me these things.
Are you willing to go beyond what you believe? (think?) 😀 (trust?)
In Yeshua’s holy name, i hope/pray, so! Amen! 😀