Round of Applause

Round Of Applause

Not for Legal Jobs
Congrats for that
For following Christ
Round Of Applause
For rejecting anything not of Christ
Even for a moment
I realize
Like AA
This Christian thing is

Following Christ
Is like trying to be sober

Sometimes it’s second by second
We have to forgive ourselves
We cannot do ANYTHING on our own
Step 1
Of AA is sufficient for me
It’s hard
And it’s not
Just major league painful right now
Being sober
Being Christian

Forgiving myself
When I know I’ll do something else
I am now
Indulging in self pity?
How can one INDULGE in self pity?
How can one ENJOY pitying themselves?
Enjoy being a victim?
They somehow believe they aren’t
A victim

That they are faking you out

Guess what?
Fake me out

That’s why I LOVE the verse that says: if you lead my little ones astray…intentionally…woe, whoa, to you, to them that intentionally deceive.

The suckers in life

That verse is for us

For me

When I look at myself
I cry
For I am weak
I am ugly
I sin
Without trying

When I look at You
I smile thru my tears
For YOUR gaze is sooo compassionate
I cannot bear it
So without lifting my head
I offer up myself
My dis-ease
My affliction
My addiction

We are ALL drug addicts
We are ALL sin addicts

I admit it
Hi, I’m a sinaholic

By JDHY 4 years ago today Matthew 19, RA’AH1

Round of Applause by Lecrae

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Have a blessed day.

Prayer for Help in Trouble

Psalm 13

1 How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?

2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,

4 And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

5 But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

6 I will sing to the Lord,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

What Does It Mean To Lose One’s Soul?

How does it feel?

What does it look like?

Better yet, how does it feel to NOT lose one’s soul?

What does THAT look like? 🤩

Answering the second one, is much easier for me! Hallelujah!

For saving is a process, just like being unsaved, was or is!

A perpetual machine has been made (is at work as we communicate) to steal (kill & destroy) your soul!

What IS your soul?

As I was taught, per disciple training, via Min Doris/New Life Covenant Chicago (Central Campus, whatz up! 😁)…

The soul is composed of 3 parts:

The Mind,

The Body

AND the Spirit!

Many believe the Spirit & the Soul are one & the same!

I believe the Soul is where the 3 combine…

What science today calls our subconscious. (The Id would be man’s attempt at labelling (controlling) more of the unknown).

The discussion of the Id borders on one’s Nature, as in one’s spirit…

I do not like where such discussions go, where all such discussions go without Elohim.

The World/Society (Atheistic Science/business/everything) does it’s best to CONVINCE humanity that it is naturally evil (ie:

I am here to REMIND you!….

That the MAJORITY of the world (this planet/humanity) will CHOOSE evil/wickedness,


There are those who will learn to NOT choose evil/wickedness!

Those who will learn NOT to harden their hearts,

Those who will choose the CONSEQUENCES of keeping their hearts open, to right-use-ness, to Love, to compassion, to mercy, to Yeshua/Holy Spirit/Elohim!

A very tall, cool glass of water, to those who thirst! Hallelujah!

For Seeds looking to sprout! Searching to produce the fruits of the Holy Spirit!

A Reminder, ya’ll!

As I too seperate myself/shown evil/wickedness I knew not of! An environment I was raised in!

May the Holy Spirit show you such things, with His Love, Mercy & Grace!

It feels like death!

Like watching yourself be numb,

Unable to stop it!

To believe that it is ok! That it is better, INSTEAD OF knowing!

In your heart, in your soul, it is the right thing to do!

Where one’s heart sings!

That is the Holy Spirit’s reward to you for CHOOSING right-use-ness/Him! 😄

My Ways Are Not Your Ways

Lean Not On Your Understanding

For I Have Chosen Thee.

So I ask why hast Thou not chosen them?

Those closest to me? My loved ones?

Is this how You feel for each one of us?

Will I get any rest tonight? (currently 4:23a been awake since 2:15… graveyard shift, eh? What is the name of the shift from 1 or 2a – 9 or 10am? Is there such a thing?)

For this eating of one”s soul, watching my loved ones harden themselves…

I do trust You Lord!

What I see may not be permanent (for life), yet it is so very painful to watch!

To see,

To have words

Not understood,

To have them fail me


I did not hear once too

I heard

And did Not respond

Until it was all my spirit COULD hear!

For Thou were yelling! (Thunder & Lighting spoke to me)

Now I learn how love speaks,

As the devoid tries to copy Thee. 😁

Failing miserably, hallelujah! 😁

No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

Ty Lord for saving me!

From the daily machine, that slowly but surely, kills the soul.

I prefer the pain of a righteous death, one chosen, in the Way.

In the Truth, the Way & the LIFE!

(small things, like verse abnormalities, are not so small…

Indicators of lack of desire to be better…

In how one responds to such a transgression…

The How & the Why are more important than the What.

For what you see & hear change before what you do!

Only Elohim sees such.

It is ok to cry for them

It is another to change another

Or to change oneself!

For neither can we/I do.

Just pray…

Just praise…

And more shall be added unto thee.

In Yeshua’s holy name I pray, Amen!


Job 17:4

Job 17:4

“For You have kept their heart from understanding,

Therefore You will not exalt them.

Those who are hardhearted, selfish, close-minded. Who refuse to listen to hear. (A particular trial/revelation at this moment.) Those who refuse to be merciful (rather channel mercy) and forgiving.

You will not be exalted. (For you refuse to exalt Elohim in how you behave)

(Wow! You, Elohim, refuse to purify them, cleanse them! And they believe they are already above, having no idea how much higher they could go.)

(And showing me why I have & continue to rise in rank, My Commander 😚)

V5 He who informs against friends for a share of the spoil,

(Many tell on (gossip about) people they ‘act-like’ friends with…for what? Kudos? Fame, of some sort?)

V6“But He has made me a byword of the people,

V6 And I am one at whom men spit.

And the word is Christian! 😁

V8 the innocent will stir up himself against the godless.

Ain’t innocent no more (about some things)! (We learn 2 Timothy 2:4 very well)

V10 “But come again all of you now,

For I do not find a wise man among you.

(Grammar Nazis? Whatz up!) 😄

V11 My days are past, my plans are torn apart,

Even the wishes of my heart.

See! Ya’ll really believe what you say or do, will change me? In what I say or do? PLEAZE! Elohim…what He has done, to me, is worst than you can even imagine! Let alone DO!


So you think your criticism can, does…? Overshadow His?

Lol! I mean, I sit here, obviously suffering, from/because of obedience to Yeshua, the Holy Spirit, Elohim, Himself!

And you believe anything you say, can even be heard, over THAT? 😆

You think, you can chastise me better than Him?


Because you choose to take on the job of the Holy Spirit, one He did not grant permission for you to do…

Because you refuse to stop chastising me, in my pain (you refuse to help or stop).

I do indeed regret to remind you…

As you have done, so shall happen to you.

(and not by me, by the way)

Only the enemy behaves this way. The devoid.

12 “They make night into day, saying,

‘The light is near,’ in the presence of darkness.

(Yes! The more unmerciful you are, the more, Elohim brightens my day! Hallelujah! 😁)

The more I am grateful Thou art humbling me! (Crucifixion humbles ya, big time!)


Another Thing…

Keeps coming up!

Whenever someone else makes a mistake, the people around them never let them forget it?!

Bringing up stuff that happened when they were 7?

I thought that is what Mother’s we’re for! (LMBO! 😁:-D Just saying, if a guilt trip is to be laid…(oh reminds me of what Jewish Mothers are known for! (Ya’lls need Yeshua, like for realz!)


(Must mention, this is not for repeat, serial, back to back offenders! Not as an excuse anyway! We can forgive, yet not be there for it to happen again!)


The Lord is showing me one of my strong points! (Hallelujah)

Especially when it comes to my own mistake!

(Cause there is another reason why people continue bothering you about it, cause IT BOTHERS YOU!)

(If you have truly let it go, most people stop bothering you about it, after a few times of seeing it doesn’t bother you!)

One of my strong points, in dealing with other people’s messes too!

A thing many do not know about me, assuming I am like them! 😀 (alhumdulillah) 😀

Thaddeus 10, DOL 1

People used by the devoid, try to bring you down with constant reminders of one’s faults, the harping on it… signature of the Accuser!

People prefer a lie, a comfortable lie, vs the truth, especially a real uncomfortable truth.

Why are some people offended by truth, even if it is spoken or acted out in love?”

there are plenty of people who are offended by truth even when it is lovingly presented.

Unfortunately, in the spiritual world, some people view the narrow nature of truth as “narrow mindedness.”

(They are not walking in the Holy Spirit then.)

The Bible itself confirms that the spiritual world is very narrow

doing things the wrong way spiritually usually has very delayed consequences.

(Speaking directly to my circumstance Lord! Hallelujah!)

it is essential for each of us to work hard to discover what is and what is not true

There are great blessings for obeying the truth, and serious consequences for denying it.

There are many verses on lying, yet the one I saw clearly, I cannot seem to find now!

(I find that interesting as of late! I believe the Holy Spirit is allowing me to ‘see’.)

Speak the truth, the uncomfortable one, about yourself, not just others!

Truth without love…is it really truthful?

When one’s words are correct, yet the spirit behind them is not!

I cry because I am sick of my words being twisted in such a way!

People assuming I am coming from such an ugly place!

I cry because…

What kind of mind, what kind of heart does it take, to think that way?

(Blackman, Blackman, why do you not forgive yourself?)

Why do people WANT to think negative of others?

I cry because of that!

There is no escape, since I am surrounded by such!

I desire not to speak around such evil hearts!

I’ve even considered…

I am judged by how I look and recently I have noticed how really nice looking women are perceived, how the majority are…

That I am perceived as such, as well.

I have never operated based on my looks!

I have been made aware of them and not in good ways.

The Lord allows me to be free, with my looks for the first time in my life!

To be comfortable with my looks, when others are not.

To not hide!

Like I use to.

The truth presses upon me until I release it!

Aware of possible ramifications, before I even speak it (hallelujah)

Should I fear that more than…

Where is my focus?

Off Elohim, away from Yeshua…

Make the Holy Spirit happy!

Keep Him happy (in love) with me.

Bump everything else!

You will find many blessings standing on such truth!

I have survived spiritual stoning (came out with injuries too).

May this time be oh so different!

In Yeshua’s holy name, I pray, amen.

Nehemiah 10:29

Verse above it, to make clear who is being spoken of: pic only

Nehemiah 10:29

are joining with their kinsmen, their nobles, and are taking on themselves a curse and an oath to walk in God’s law, which was given through Moses, God’s servant, and to keep and to observe all the commandments of God our Lord, and His ordinances and His statutes; – Nehemiah 10:29

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: ‘Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree’” (Galatians 3:10–13).

I agree, yet anyone who has followed Christ enough, perhaps feels ‘the curse side’ of the blessing?

I know I have!

For the separation alone…

In my case I wonder if He has made me celibate for Him. (A real doozy this one) (though one I am coming to admire & appreciate the simplicity of) (for human relationships are a doozy within themselves!)

The dislike, the disrespect, the derision…

Ya know, the humiliation & rejection Christ Himself received?

The closer we walk with Christ, the more we experience everything He went through, in some way.

Thaddeus 10, 2019

Speaking of which…

The part where Yeshua begs the Lord to remove this cup from me?

All those raised, shaped into a position of authority by the Lord, go through similar pain.

Some call it the press, another called it the Ark.

Both speak of a dark place. A place one must endure much, so much you want OUT!

Who would willing go into the olive press?

Would you prefer the flood My Love?

Ha, ha…very funny Lord.

Either way is painful.

Just one has you gain strength, while the other…

You just die.

And not a good death, a death reserved for those who turned against Elohim.

Who rejected Him.

Who preferred the comfort & stability of now, verses joy, peace & the Lord’s Strength.

But I don’t wanna!

I say as I walk forward and lay down in the press.

It hurts! Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE is against you, throwing stones.

A stoning!

With no relief of death, no relief of unconsciousness.

Only when it is finished, will it stop.

Will you rise again, stronger than ever before!

So strong in spirit that you scare people!

You frighten demons and ignite fires in another’s soul.

Life! Is required!

To raise up those dry bones, eh?

I must be stronger! I need to be!

For sooooo many others!

I see!

Keep my eyes here Lord as I want the anointing to be pure, so pure…

So powerful that just a drop…

That the imps will not be able to run fast enough, to escape the instantaneous transformation!

Everywhere the drops touch.

That I do want!

And I willingly endure a little more… bashing of my character, my faith, my heart.

For You, I do this… because it will make You happy, the One I love, happy.

I’ve endured abusive relationships.

I will give 3, now 6 yrs, in the press, if that is what it takes!

Ty for the reminder Yeshua!

Holy Spirit!

His Rest 2

Many today complain of lack of time, how rushed they are, how stressed out they are.

Hebrews 3:7-11

7 Therefore, just as the Holy Spirit says,“Today, if you hear His voice,
8 Do not harden your hearts as when they provoked Me,
As in the day of trial in the wilderness,
9 Where your fathers tried Me by testing Me,
And saw My works for forty years.“10 Therefore I was angry with this generation,
And said, ‘They always go astray in their heart, And they did not know My ways’; As I swore in My wrath,
They shall not enter My rest.’”

The Peril of Unbelief

12 Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14 For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end, 15 while it is said,

Today if you hear His voice,
Do not harden your hearts, as when they provoked Me.”

Many do not believe they are commiting evil, by not putting Elohim first.

That they have plenty of time to put Elohim first.

Yet these same people claim not to have time, are stressed out and rushing around is gaining on them!

If you want more time, give more personal, quality time to Elohim!

For Hebrews 3:11 & Hebrews 4 says unrest is the peril of unbelief!

The Believer’s Rest

Therefore, let us fear if, while a promise remains of entering His rest, any one of you may seem to have come short of it. For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard.

For we who have believed enter that rest, just as He has said,

As I swore in My wrath,
They shall not enter My rest,”

Therefore, since it remains for some to enter it, and those who formerly had good news preached to them failed to enter because of disobedience, 

He again fixes a certain day, “Today,” saying through David after so long a time just as has been said before,

Today if you hear His voice,
Do not harden your hearts.”

Romans 8:12 has posted articles on hardheartedness before (search for hard heartedness or hardheartedness on Romans 8:12’s site for other articles, hard heartedness appears!).

Hardheartedness is also a curse from Elohim, for disobedience, which much of the world has today!

A person gaining more of the qualities of 1st Corinthians 13:4-8, is testimony to growth, new growth! Definately a closer connection with the Vine, Christ, Himself!

More opposition from people who do not even know you, can be another indicator of one’s effectiveness against the devoid.

Internally amazed at your own behavior, for the better, more Christ-like, is the best indicator of Elohim thinking of you as a believer! As obedient to Him. 😀

While others dance to things not of Christ (in His eyes), pray that they too, one day, not only experience His Peace, His Rest, while being alive, to also continue/remain in His Rest!

For the gulf is widening, the veil thickening between those who pretend belief & those who do not pretend!

Tis why the Holy Spirit has me reiterating His Rest!

For it is an urgent subject!

Since such urgency is being conveyed to me, by the Holy Spirit on this subject,

From past experience something really bad is coming & the only way to ‘weather’ it, will be in His Rest!

For the ‘unbending’ ones will break!

And may the believers be as the Palm Tree in a hurricane, firmly rooted & extremely flexible! Bubble Wrapped by Christ, in Yeshua’s holy name, amen!

(There are those who follow the Holy Spirit, yet have not verbally accepted Christ (& so one’s course/guidance from the Holy Spirit is not as clear, as it will be in Christ)…

Do not fear…He, Elohim will guide you closer to Him!

My darkest day without Yeshua, led me to Him.

May all true believers be included in His Rest, His Protection, His Strong Tower, during the coming storm, in Yeshua’s holy name, amen!

Any good deed outside of Christ falls by the wayside, becomes useless chaff:

John 5:4

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 

i bear witness how every good deed i did/attempted, instead led to my downfall! My destruction!

In Christ? Everything i do towards Elohim, is magnified 7-70 times!

B.C. i became overwhelmed, lost, bitter, burned, etc.

A.D., when i become overwhelmed & i cry out and give up, giving it to Christ, i discovered how i was arrogantly trying to do it myself!

How i got in His Way!

What Christ has been trying to teach me all along made sense now, made more sense!

i am discovering why it is so important for us to respond ‘in Love’ at all times!

We are blameless then! Free from sin, in those moments! In Yeshua’s eyes!

i no longer hurt someone like me, B.C.! 😀 (Crush their spirit).

i am much less afraid of sounding like a ‘Jesus Freak’.

Of being considered one by those not in Christ currently!

For many so-called-in Christ (Christians) have already accused me of such!

And regardless of the non-acceptance, i delivered! As demanded by the Holy Spirit, by Christ Himself.

As reiterated by Christ many times, in different ways!

(Elohim’s way of expressing urgency, direness. He repeats Himself!)

He may say it gently.

When He says it, anything, more than once?!

Please take it to heart!

Those under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, already understand this!

i have discovered my very bad breath, is an answer to a prayer B.C.,

A very strong desire to be ugly instead, sometimes i wished i could tear off my face…

For my looks had/have too many jump to the wrong conclusions!

And i was sick of it! 🙂

Now, i see the benefit of being bait for Christ! ;-D

Being clear, unfettered bait, for Christ!

Currently fettered bait

(pic above, so links will not work)

A chain, enslavement, bondage bait!

And i want no fault or blame to be seen as i speak & walk in/of You, Oh Lord! 😀

i felt like Pinocchio, an unreal boy, begged to be ‘real’ to be normal.

Not appreciating the benefits of not being ‘normal’ until the Holy Spirit began talking to me, rescuing me, loving me! 😀

And so, i began with ‘self’, meaning those who claim Christ.

Today i begin with those who do not! Purposefully!

For we search for true believers (sheep) outside of Christ now, for they exist, as did i, in Yeshua’s holy name, amen! 😀

(Matthew 24, 2018 2pm PST)

Lessons Learned

  • To not yell at others after 2 or more days.
  • To not chase after those determined to leave (during Church service, etc)
  • Ministry is a marriage & Elohim doesn’t like divorce. (Especially when He put/placed you there).
  • Not staying in one place = wishy-washyness, difficult to recieve blessings.

And…what am i willing to stick with, through the good & the bad? (Where is my Faithfulness?)

Feeling weak? Too tired to keep standing? Etc? (Difficulties of any kind…)

Listen to My Favorite Psalms!

On the 4th night of no sleep, i got through it by listening to Ps 23, 42, 19, 57, 27 & 34 on repeat, playing in one ear!


It is like being married in an abusive situation. (My current situation)

One becomes free & clear in His Way!

To not retaliate in any form.

To not be a victim in any form.

How does one do that/this?

Lessons Learned….One i am implementing, pretaining to the 3rd Way!

The Way Christ would respond, have us respond, to the world!

(For surely it is abusive eh?) 🙂

To learn to use the system (rules of society, etc) against itself! To learn to heap coals on another and be free of blame IN ELOHIM’s EYES!

To find that sweet spot & maintain it! Help it grow, keeping that flame alive!

The theme behind turn-the-other-cheek, take-my-shirt-give-my-cloak, coal-heaping verses!

They are all interconnected!

Not aggressive, not passive either, plus learning patience, with His Mercy & Grace!

For lately, the house has been quite or empty, during the day, allowing me to truly sleep!

Alhumdulillah ! 😀 Ty Yeshua! Ty Holy Spirit! Ty Elohim! My Father, My Protector, My Strong Tower! 😀

To completly rely on Elohim to cover me, when the person who was designated to do so doesn’t…

And inside begins to undercut everything/anything you/i do.

i am under the covering of Elohim Himself!

There are more with me than against me! (Hallelujah!) 😀

it may seem like it is just me. 😀

Yet i stand, with much human oposition.


So help me Elohim!


i keep my arms propped up with Psalm 23, 42, 19, 57, 27 & 34! 😀

Spiritual Warfare love! At its best!

No weapon formed against me shall prosper!

No trap laid for me shall prosper!

You (nor i) am in control of this situation! This is ALL Elohim!

<pulling out popcorn> 😀

All set to watch Your Glory Lord! 😀

Keep It Coming! 😀

In Yeshua’s holy name, amen! 😀

but the slave has already made their point. They have shown you that they are a human person with dignity and worth. You don’t own them, you cannot control them, and they do not submit to your rule.

Jesus’ instruction not to resist evil and to turn the other cheek transforms from an instruction to accept injustice into a challenge to resist systems of domination and oppression without the use of violence. 

Jesus is telling his followers to find creative, active, and nonviolent ways to assert their humanity and God’s love in the world!

even when we have no social, political, or economic power, we can still find ways to stand our ground, take control of the power dynamic, and cause people in power to see us in a new light without using violence. To do so is truly to be a citizen for public justice.

Without me actively striving to do this, the Lord is showing, guiding me how! 😀 With His Love, Mercy & Grace! Hallelujah!

The ‘striving’ i do is in my entreaties of Him, my desire to remain in that closer relationship!

So i am being gently curbed from my impatience! 😀

Gently curbed from my anger!

Protected from despair!

Shown another way! Everytime!


Ty Yeshua! From the bottom of my heart! TY! This is why i love You so!

You are so good to me!


(Matthew 19! 😀 Fri, Shemesh 1, 7:56a PST)