Aap Quote 10/19/2015

Ooo! Right? Difficult…, yet so true, so true.

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Eleanor Roosevelt 2?


Unless one is forced into no sleep!

The quote above directly relates to Elohim being the Day, tbe New Day, Yeshua being the Sun 😀 and how He Renews us.

For Elohim’s perspective, refreshes us, resets us, makes us ‘new’ again.

In this way a new day, the morning has come!

Lord! i need Your Rest, Your Refreshment, a true Assistant!

So that i can make up sleep lost, from insomniac clients who also smoke.

It is only me, 4:10a, not having had a full hour, not 1 even, & i need 8! Of sleep.

Expected to function well from 8am till 10pm, when this is night #1 of 3 according to behavior, just a few days ago!

This is beyond unfair. This is insanity, to expect me to funtion like this!

Not counting 5 days of screaming & yelling.

Support is lacking severely.


Yeshua was abused much.

i am not He.

He knew how to respond.

i was told how, just 2 days ago.

Had phone support, while the screaming & yelling occurred, for the past 2 days.

3 days no sleep, 1-2 days sleep, yelling & screaming 5 days added to this.

Back to no sleep again.

i am no longer yelling in response, 2 days now. Hallelujah.

And i absolutely abohr crying in front of others!

i so desperately need more help, support & protection, Lord!

For tears are all that is left.

i am exhausted, physically and weakened spiritually, due to the abuse & neglect i am recieving Lord.

i thought You would protect me better than this.

i refuse to act out in my anger & frustration

Yet i need sleep!

Help me Father! For i do not desire to…

just to sleep

just to Restore myself

i, as Your obedient servant beseech Thy help. For i am unable to help myself.

And You brought me here!

Help me please! You are the only one who can, who will!

Please ?!

No one else seems to hear or care, yet i know You do,

in Yeshua’s holy name, i pray, amen!



Legalist speak of praying scripture.

As in that is what we should do, more than anything else.


Spirit behind the words are more important than the words themselves!

The Holy Spirit hears this! Not you!

We can not speak. yet be heard.

We can be unintelligible, yet understood, by the Holy Spirit!

My Father, My Guide teaches me, guides me into deeper prayer.

So i am privy to knowledge that those who are not so led, do not recieve, my/the accuser, never edifys me (with obvious occasions to do so (this is rising, hallelujah!)), only points out wrongs.

Accusations, criticism outweighing actual action.

We are to pray in accordance with scripture!

Not just pray scripture!

And there are verses that speak of Elohim hearing us in our affliction!

Entreating Our Father during affliction, is always the correct thing to do!

Remaining thankful, grateful, praising & worshiping Elohim, in the process!

‘Complaining’ of the affliction of man, is different than complaining about what Elohim is doing. 😀

Those who complained in the desert, dishonored Elohim! Disrespected Elohim!

Were ungrateful about the relief He did bring!

He hears our cries!

We are all babies to Him! 😀

Constantly needy, crying, bawling, cleaning & feeding, etc. 😀

He doesn’t need to sleep, doesn’t need a break from us sharing our true selves with Him! 😀

in all our selfishness, etc.

Elohim/Yeshua/the Holy Spirit guides us away from any opportunity of blame!

Which one only understands when one stands accused, yet is truly blameless in His eyes.

Jealous are we? 😀

Jealous of what the Holy Spirit shares with me? (my so called ‘special ‘ knowledge)

Elohim shares more of Himself, with those who share more of themselves with Him!

i have no ‘special’ knowledge and i never claim that no one else hears the Holy Spirit.

Yet, it is obvious even to the accuser that i have a special relationship with Christ! 😀 Hallelujah!

Jealous are we? lol!

Envy is murderous.

You & everyone else has the ability to recieve things from Elohim, no one else recieves, or few people recieve.

No need to be jealous or envious of my closer relationship with Christ!

Being unaware, not acknowledging the possibility of becoming hard hearted, means you are!

Everyone who can see & hear on this level, can tell when you have not, are not submitting to the possibility of hard heartedness in oneself.

Unbending wheat, speaks of chaff, weeds, non-humbleness.

It takes strength to be attacked and not retaliate, to not be passive either, to know of the third way, Yeshua’s way!

May we all implement this faster & faster, sooner & sooner, in Yeshua’s holy name, amen. 😀

(Research take my cloak verses/themes)

(Matthew 13, Shemesh) 5:35a PST

Quote Aap LKJ 2, Shemesh

(above pic says: Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is darkness)

i believe Faith is misunderstood by many

Having Faith, in Christ, regardless of circumstances, is a gift.

Do you want it?

i never thought my faith would ever shake

it was a scary time for me.

i began to ask Elohim why!

i would say, in my heart,” Lord, You know what is going on, i do not. I do not understand it at all. This is why i need You.”


This is why i pray for these days.

i pray for others, in crisis and i know them not!

i pray to not fall in the same trap.

For i have already witnessed other weaknesses in self, unforseen, the depths of it.

My Faith having earthquakes was in a weird way, welcomed…for i never understood others lack of Faith.

Yet here i was, questioning mine.

From past experiences, in other areas of weakness, i withdrew…as in i lightened my load.

I re-exaimined what Faith meant to me, what Christ meant to me.

Why am i under spiritual attack in this area?

Why am i experiencing negative thoughts/feelings just thinking about reading the Bible?

i never had this problem before, why now?

It came to me that i was out of my mind.

But, why?

Instead of doubting my Faith, i doubled down on the Bible.

i was saying to myself, ” You got problems reading the Bible? Just thinking about it?

Okay then, take this (verse), take that (verse) and that!…”

i began listening to the Bible more than once a day!

imaging the whole time, the demonic spirit thrashing around in death throws, screaming, instead of focusing on my (?) feelings, of the moment.

i drowned it, sufocated it, in my minds eye, remembering, saying, “Faith is not a feeling.” while listening, drawing, (the Bible) talking to Elohim, to Yeshua, to the Holy Spirit!

i became inventive in ways to incorporate the Bible into myself, besides reading it.

i did it regardless of how painful it was.

Hallelujah it wasn’t for long.

i became very angry that the devoid even tried!

to attack me here! at one of my pillars of Faith!

it was WWF in here ya’ll! 😀

i took the Word in, imaging a huge score on the enemy, with every verse!

i recorded my Favorite parts, Psalms (my faves are the ones that drew me), in my own voice.

Wrote them down and took them with me, whenever i left the house.

Reading them instead of talking to anyone.

i whispered/murmured them, while i read.

Not caring if i seemed crazier than usual, i am fighting for my life here!

The discomfort died quickly, not fast enough for me.

i remembered to not believe these ‘weird’ feelings were mine.

i fought them like the foreign entity they are.

Many make the mistake of believing everything we ‘feel’ is from ourselves, that it is you, who is feeling it.

Like feelings are reality.

Feelings may come and go.

it is up to us which ‘feelings’ we choose to act on!

i remembered, “Faith is unseen. Faith is things ‘hoped for’!”

and i remembered it is a verse in the Bible, while i said it!

Another death toll to the enemy.

Thanking the Holy Spirit, even now.

Knowing He was answering my prayers.

Knowing He is with me the entire time.

Knowing it is Him, who was strangling, drowning, attacking, angry that ‘they’ even dared to cross my threshold!

My Daughter’s threshold.

The Angel’s of the Lord were fighting for me , through me!

tears falling

as i read the same verses over and over.

Desperate i was.

Those Psalms are even more precious now.

i remembered why David was so tortured in these Psalms.

i saw myself the same way.

feeling shame that i didn’t do this earlier.

didn’t fight earlier

for even believing once that, that derision, was mine.

i apologized to the Holy Spirit

recognizing even as i write this,

accepting my part in this

(i cry for you all…if you feel it too -Lecrae Cry For You )

i am human too.

that i need You more than ever.

for taking down my superhero image

of myself

for draping me, covering me, with Your Eagles wings.

For being with me as i lost my mind.

My faith.

Keeping me strong.

For not alowing it to go unpunished for trespassing.

(told you, You Are Mine)

For even daring to come between us.

i pray(ed) that i keep You, beyond my last breath, no matter what happens, incoherently You.

if any part of my body functions, no matter how dysfunctional it may be, let every bit of it, be You.

Like Elijah’s bones.

May Thou be with me even then.

You are My Sanity, My Life.

i am brain dead without Thee.

Allow my body, absent of my mind, to only be used for You, oh Lord.

May ‘they’ never seperate us, even if i loose my mind, every last vestiage of humanity….

i cannot lose, will not lose, as long as i have You.

For You are my humanity.

My Everything.

(and yes, the Chicago Mass Choir song came to mind!)

all of this, reminders from the Holy Spirit.

My Faith, You are.

A simultaneous ty and wow! 😀

My Glory.

Thou Art.


Hallelujah ! 😀